With all the hullaballoo surrounding the Lebron James's decision later tonight regarding which team he will join -- the long months of wooing involving mayors, celebs, politicians, and probably puppy dogs; the three-hour slot ESPN has allocated to the coverage; the giving a shit about where an athlete, and while a very good one, one who hasn't one a damned thing albeit he plays in the sport that allows the most of personal achievement -- I secretly hope that he decides to throw a curveball. Like an "I'm going to start doing Sumo" curverball, or maybe "I've decided to play for AC Milan." Something like that. Seriously.
Below is the [supposed] text of the upcoming post-conference interview (conference having been left out for general health and sanity):
LJ: No, it seemed like the best option. I think the deal-sealer was the pandas.
ESPN: That was after you made the trip there under the auspices of visiting the Dalai Lama.
LJ: Well, the Lama ain't no joke. A lot of wisdom in that fucker. He plays a mean game of bouré.
ESPN: And what did you discuss with him?
LJ: Palestine, Tibet. [laughs] Shit no, man, we were talking the finer points of winning it all. The guy is a natural, after all. I saw him play Prince once, a game of Horse. Prince left with a dislocated elbow. That guy ain't no joke.
ESPN: Now you mentioned pandas. You do understand that that animal is not native to India.
LJ: In the contract we stipulated a full year's supply. I like me some panda meat.
ESPN: You eat ... panda?
LJ: They ain't gonna eat themselves. I grind them up, fire up the grill, a little bit of horseradish, some eggs. Yeah, that's some good you know what I'm saying.
ESPN: They're an endangered species.
LJ: The Dalai's got the fix. We're just looking forward to the chance to bringing the game of hoops to those squint-eyed robed guys. They ain't got enough to do, and they're short, so that's going to help my stats. I got to think of my legacy.
No comments:
Post a Comment