This is a joking questionnaire that came up awhile back, talking about my terrible luck with women. About how I seem to meet the crazies. Now, I'm not going to say they're all crazy, but essentially that's the pattern I've been in and probably promote.
Without further ado, here's the questionnaire, to see if you're suitable for dating. The Geoffery Metz. This might be long.
1) Have we ever gotten along on a superficial level when first meeting? (+1 pt)
1a) Was it in a bar? (+5 pts.)
1b) Did we meet online? (-1 pt.)
2) Has your need for travel ever superseded plans for musical or dramatic performance? (+3 pts.)
2a) Was the performer your friend? (+5 pts)
3) Are you a fan of David Sedaris? (+5 pts.)
4) Have you ever seen Brick? (+1 pt.)
4a) Without me forcing you? (+5 pts.)
4b) Stood me up when I suggested we see it in the theater? (+10 pts.)
5) Are you a fan of David Lynch? (-1 pt.)
6) Have you ever engaged regular in one of the following drugs (+1 pt. each answer):
a) Cocaine
b) Anti-depressant
c) Tobacco
d) Crystal Meth
e) Beer Breakfast
[Note: add two points if you engaged in any of (a)-(d) on a regular basis. For (e), only add a point if this was before work.]
7) Which one of these regions strikes you as the best region for wine:
a) Napa (+5 pts.)
b) Sonoma (+2 pts.)
c) Spain (+2 pts.)
d) France (+3 pts., but really, who drinks French wine?)
e) Italy (+1 pt.)
f) Australia (+3 pts.)
8) Are you a Capricorn or Aries? (5 pts. for either)
9) Are we separated by more than a subway trip (i.e., a trip on a plane, train, automobile)
a) Yes (-10 pts)
b) No (+2 pts.)
10) Have I ever called you when you're drunk?
a) Yes (+5 pts.)
b) No (-2 pts.)
Bonus question: Have you ever been a cheerleader? (+2 pts.)
Add up the score. The closer to 52 means I've probably dated you and it was a short affair with a lot of chemistry at the top. The farther away, we'd probably be awesome together but will never meet.
