As some of you may know, I waste my saturdays watching Sci-Fi, movies descended from an absolute pile of dreck. Upon occasion you might get a feature film that had some sort of official release (seriously, though, how did Bloodrayne and its sequel get a full release?), but the usual fare doesn't stray far from the in-house productions. And what a team they are.
I am personally convinced that the SciFi studios must have an army of six-year-olds thinking up this shit. I mean, how many movies can you see about raptors and pterodactyls and giant squids? The most recent example: Attack of the Sabertooths, a shitty take-off on Jurassic Park, but with the sexier, far more intriguing concept of -- wait for it -- sabertooth tigers. Rocking.
But then it gets more twisted than that. See, the movies are thought up in a day care facility, but the damned things have so much crappy blood effects that you might as well be watching slaughterhouse footage. Who exactly is the intended audience? When I was old enough to savor guts splattered across the screen, I had long graduated from anything to do with dinos. (okay, so I was playing forgtotten worlds and phantasy star II on my sega genesis, but who's really asking?) I wanted something terrifying, like zombies or vampires or werewolves or something.
Oh wait, they have those weekends to. I'll shut up now. And drink my coffee.
